L

never married woman

I go solo to movies or concerts or travel on my own, but those things do not necessarily make me feel alone. Sitting in a crowded church, in what is literally and should be figuratively a sanctuary, sure does. And when that aloneness, that singleness, is magnified by a statement – within a sermon, or from scripture or even in an announcement – that implies marriage is normal and even a blessing from God, it makes me wonder, why do I even bother?

I remember a former pastor doing a sermon series on marriage. The first one made me so uncomfortable that I did not go back to church until the series was over. I have also been known to skip church on Mother’s Day. Just another day that points out to me that I am not blessed by God, at least not as fully blessed as those who are married and have had children.

Most recently, an announcement was made in church that a small group was looking for ‘one or two couples’ to join an existing small group. I am sure the small group would welcome any member, but I am not going to ask because to me it is clear what they are looking for – a couple.

While those normative value sentiments are perpetuated, there will always be a wedge between me and God, that sometimes feels a lot like resentment and anger. And I do not want there to be a wedge between me and God. But it is there because my singleness has not been celebrated as a blessing.