J

divorced woman and church worker

As a young, single woman, I didn’t ever feel like I wasn’t part of the church community.

That changed when I became a divorced, single woman. That one-word difference changed how people thought about me and how I fit into the church community. Single is one thing; divorced is quite another.

Theologically, I don’t know that I ever felt like the Bible was leaving me out or Jesus no longer cared for me, but people didn’t seem to have the same empathy. Not all people, but enough that I could tell. At one time in my life, I would have felt a kinship to the great women of the Bible, but after a divorce and becoming a single mother, I was no better than the prostitutes or a leper. A bit of a harsh criticism of the churches I have been part of, but the fact remains, Jesus didn’t change how he felt about me, humans in churches did. Implied or implicit, I felt there was less of a place for me in the congregation after I was divorced.

Additionally, churches, in general, do a terrible job of making space for single adults. Everyone else gets their own program, dedicated staff person, and to hear their stories positively reflected in the sermons. There is a Jell-O mold for everyone at church except single adults.