Theological Reasoning

Let’s get it clear from the start: the second person God created was a single woman, Eve. She was created so that all creation would be complete, to be the ezer kenegdo for Adam; the partner, not wife. Throughout Israelite history, single women were poets, warriors, mothers, builders, and heroes. Undeniably, God used single women to progress God’s mission in the world. Scripture, however, never describes these matriarchs as “and she was unmarried” so why am I so sure of their marital status? Because the textual clues tell us about the world in which they lived and worshiped. By understanding their culture and context, scholars can deduce how and who protected women, God’s blessing to them.

Eve, Miriam, Bathsheba as widow, the widow who cared for Elijah, Huldah, Ruth and Naomi, Hannah, Esther, Hagar, Rahab, the daughters of Lot, the Hebrew midwives…

Mother Mary, Mary Magdalene, Lazarus’ sisters Mary and Martha, Peter’s mother-in-law, the widow who gave her mite, the woman at the well, the women bleeding, the women who anointed Jesus with hair and oil, the Samaritan woman, Anna, woman caught in adultery…

As God began incarnational residency, single women were enlisted to build the faith community; from Elizabeth’s prophecy to the virgin Mary while Christ was still enwombed to the cadre of women apostles who found the empty tomb and ran to tell the others.

And as the Body of Christ expanded throughout the world, single women continued to teach, preach, administrate, serve, and deacon for the church. They opened their homes, traveled to foreign nations, learned new languages and customs, sold everything they owned, and entered into new life as disciples of the risen Christ.

Junia, Phoebe, Thecla, Mary mother of Mark, Tryphaena, Tryphosa, Persis, Eudia, Syntyche, Lydia, Nympha, Apphia, the four daughters of Philip, Thyatira, Priscilla and Maxima…][Mother Mary, Mary Magdalene, Lazarus’ sisters Mary and Martha, Peter’s mother-in-law, the widow who gave her mite, the woman at the well, the women bleeding, the women who anointed Jesus with hair and oil, the Samaritan woman, Anna, woman caught in adultery…

From ezer kenegdo to Dinners For 8, the people of God have always struggled with how to express love and fidelity in relationships within the framework of faith. Somehow, God’s desire for people to live in community has become a mandate to be married and produce children. Marriage has long been understood, idolized, and taught as the expectation of humanity. Marriage is not, by itself, a direct path to Christ. Community is not, by itself, a direct path to Christ. Singleness is not, by itself, a direct path to Christ. In all times and places, Christians have been guilty of over privileging marriage or singleness or community as ways of ‘achieving’ God.

To aid this argument, scripture has been twisted to mirror this image of “normal” instead of humans seeking Christ-likeness in all things. It’s time to stop the matrimania and reliance on the traditional church’s so-called Marriage Mandate and related scripture. I think Christians in many times and places have been far more reflective than we contemporary American Christians about singleness in its many forms. It is simply too broad and bold a brushstroke to paint Christian thought about singleness as stating something like, “Single? Okay, no sex for you. Lonely? Go join a monastery!’”

The alternate view is to consider this “season of life” as a gift. This call to singleness is not a discernible call for most people, especially younger people; no more than one can be called to a chronic illness or infertility. The great divide is that singleness is set opposite marriage or a vowed religious life and not an option for personal fulfillment or spiritual growth. It is considered an empty wasteland of loneliness to escape. However, nowhere in Scripture is singleness called a gift, nor is loneliness a necessary factor of singleness; Scripture affirms wholeness through community. (Paul comes close in 1 Corinthians 7:7 “I wish now all humanity to be like even myself. But each has their own gifts from God; each specific to them”, my translation.

God seeks out all manner of people—regardless of marital status—to reflect how God loves and desires relationships with those whom God created and cherishes. While the issue of sexual purity remains deeply embedded within the persistent fallacy of marriage mandate for any demographic, most research done (mine included) is done within white and single communities.