Evaluation

AM I A MARRIAGE NORMATIVE PREACHER?

After three years of research (and a lifetime of experience as a never-married woman), I have learned that marriage normativity is RARELY a deliberate decision by the preacher. In fact, in my workshops and doctoral studies, I have learned that preachers didn’t know the term marriage normativity, let alone recognize when they were doing it.

I developed this evaluation form to help preachers assess and reflect on the intensity and volume of marriage normative illustrations in their preaching. Single women, however, can use this template to address the issue of marriage normativity with their pastor.

WHAT IT REQUIRES:

1. The Evaluation PDF. Just ten questions but will take time! (Download the PDF below.)

2. Volunteers. These volunteers should be single women from your congregation. Using my definition of single women, try to get at least one representative of each: unpartnered, don’t want to be partnered, divorced, widowed, and married but attend church solo.

3. Humility. You’re going to need to be vulnerable and receptive to their feedback. Do you have to take their advice wholesale? No, but you would be wise to listen. Even the act of asking them to participate in your ongoing formation as a leader and Christ-follower will endear you to them. I promise.

4. Purpose. This is a listening session not a “fix-it” session. Right now, they are informing you about a blind spot you may have in your preaching. Take notes for you to reflect on later. Don’t offer any promises and, again, with humility, don’t be defensive. You are listening.

THE SET-UP:

After choosing your single women council, contact them and ask for their help. Suggested language is on the PDF. Then spend an afternoon reflecting on FIVE QUESTIONS before you meet with your League of Single Ladies.

THE MEETING:

Make sure your meeting location is conducive to conversation.
Consider asking a non-participant to come and take notes for you to use later!
Tailor the suggested questions to your group and your context.
Let them consider in silence, and don’t lead the answers! This is their time to be vulnerable with you. Remember, you are in the position of power and they may not want to tell you something they think you aren’t going to want to hear. Modeling an open, humble posture might help them open up.

SELF-EVALUATION:

If possible, take some time after you meet with your League of Single Ladies to reflect and pray on your time together.

Ask yourself: What did I hear? How do I feel about it?
Consult the notes from your scribe; is your recollection true?
Consider what is yours to do now. Was there something urgent they brought up?
Resist the urge to form a new group or program in response to their feedback. The idea was to listen and respond by making changes in your preaching.
Don’t forget to send thank you notes or emails to your League (and scribe) and set up a follow-up meeting so they will be paying attention to your sermon illustrations.

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